When You Just Really CAN’T be Bothered

Last week I posted on my Facebook page for Micky Pizza with my intentions on three locations for this coming week. Dufton – Monday. My own village of Kirkby Thore on Wednesday and lastly, what always seems to me as being a slightly scary and bold effort, Ambleside on Saturday.

This year has started a bit strange for me so far, sluggish, momentum-less and drifting a bit. Which, as someone who is promoting productivity, motivation, discipline and a ‘grab life by the balls’ approach, this is a lttle alarming – for myself, if no-one else.

I’ll not dwell upon the countless ins and outs of why this supposedly self-driven, self-motivated machine that I think of myself as, just isn’t functioning so well this year but sometimes machines break down and you feel like they just need a bloody good beating – Like Basil did with his car in that Fawlty Towers Episode!

With the snowy and icy weather now gone, work is now cranking back to ‘usual’ levels for me and I’d already set out my weeks’ intentions.  Monday looked grim out. Wet, miserable and altogether, just not very appealing. Great start to the week! But – I’d committed to it and I’d remarked on my social media that if just ONE family were happy to not have to cook that day, it would make me quite content. As it turned out, it stayed dry and I never even needed the gazebo up. Whilst it was hardly a busy night, I felt proud of myself for getting out there because it took a a fair bit of self pep talk to get out the door,

Momentum for the week had begun.

Tuesday I headed for an appointment in Penrith but a mix up of two messages stating ‘Thursday’ then ‘Tues’ meant I’d gone in two days early! At least I wasn’t late! Unabashed, I headed for Booths supermarket for coffee and a Sausage and Bacon sandwich, then another coffee and ok, ok – Coffee and Walnut cake too. All that caffeine sent me into a flurry of palpitated productivity. I reached out to numerous venues and people and managed to secure dates in the diary for future pizza work. Once I got home, I went straight out to the outhouse, got my workbench out and FINALLY finished my picture frame off, reglued, planed, sanded and first coat of oil. Winning!

Wednesday was all about pizzas again but it was bad. I think I had 4 lots of customers. But for at least one person in particular, it absolutely made their day – that result feels much more important to me than anything monetary! Plus, it meant I was home early and fully cleared down before 9pm. A rarity!

Thursday saw the rescheduled appointment after I’d clocked a 7 mile run with my speedy pal, Sally. The picture frame got dropped into the shop for framing. Jeans I have been meaning to get repaired for 2 years, into the sewing shop and yet another Sausage sarnie! A nice, productive day.

Then on Friday – we got Storm Éowyn. Winds of 100mph and mass devastation ‘they’ said. Aye, it was a wee bit windier than usual, sure enough, but there were no dramas in my part of Cumbria and certainly non to be found at my little cottage. I stayed indoors in front of the fire!

I’d got up at seven that morning and prepared for my weekly French lesson with my Serbian tutor at 8 o’clock. It was only when I logged into the app that I seen she’d tried moving the lesson forward an hour because she was heading back over to Serbia (from France) to take part in the protests.  This ISN’T reported on Western mainstream media. There is mass, civil unrest, strikes and protests. Universities have been shut down for weeks and hundreds of thousands have took to the streets bringing the nation to a standstill. Naturally, you won’t hear about how the Power of the People can simply WORK with solidarity and collective action against governments and authority. Noooo – they ain’t gonna show THAT!

Video from YouTube, if you want more info on this – Serbian Anti-Government Protests

What seemed certain to me though, was that this stormy weather spelt a no-show for Ambleside on Saturday but upon checking the weather, it was actually forecast to be clear and less than 10mph. Dammit!  I could see NO reason for NOT going to Ambleside on Saturday. And so before I could change my mind on it, I posted up on social media that I’d BE there! That’s that then – I’m wired in! The lazy element of Micky hates me right now! I tell it to shut up as the rest of Friday didst dwindle away into nothingness….

Saturday 6.30AM  – Homer Simpson goes off (Homer is my alarm clock… this IS normal, no?) I wake up not having a clue where the hell I was and why was I dreaming about Margarine, ANYWAY? (Homer’s alarm call this morning was ‘Marge – is there such a thing as a cake fairy?’)

After my usual 30 press ups, 40 sit ups and 50 tricep dips I groggily head downstairs, pint of water with limes and then a ten minute stretch before coffee but no breakfast. Its Saturday. There’s no breakfast allowed on Saturday. Its Parkrun day. But first its the weekly Accountability call with Tom for an hour, before each of us head to our local runs at 9am. His, in Bristol this weekend. Mine – Penrith. Outside looks bitter cold and you know what? I really, REALLY, just can not be chewed with this today.  But – Parkrun is one of my NON-negotiables. I reluctantly force myself out of my back door to the van. The heater is on full blast, and because I’m running ever so slightly behind schedule, I’m getting changed as I’m driving down the A66, and lacing my trainers up with cruise control on and trying to ignore the oncoming Police van. I get there bang on time and just jog round lap one and pick the pace up and finish stronger on Lap 2. I’m still two minutes off where I was last year and record a time of 22’10”, but I don’t care because as I’m trotting back to my van I feel bloody brilliant for having ran this morning, a complete contrast to my emotions thirty minutes earlier!

Routine and discipline are strange, it creates an autopilot system. Parkrun fits that model as does what happens 15 minutes later…..I’m back in Booths Cafe in Penrith. I’m practically on first name terms with the staff this week but a THIRD sausage and bacon sandwich in five days just had to be off the agenda on this occasion, so I plump for avocado and sauteed mushroom and just hope that I don’t bump into anyone that I know who may mock my ‘Ooooh Lardy-dah’ breakfast option!

My usual Saturday routine of planning for the week is done and then its ingredients shopping and get back to base before 12. My aim is to get out the door by 3pm.  After showering etc it leaves me 2h 45min to prep. I need to make pizza sauce, pureed turnip for the Burns‘ Night Special Pizza – Haggis, Neeps and Tatties!

Unusual as it sounds, its a culinary winner! Sautéed and seasoned potatoes, haggis cooked (after a tough task trying to catch them on the moors!) And pureed turnip with caramelised onion.  All of this was pushing it for 3pm. I have the van packed and away by 3.15.  But I’ve forgot to get double cream for the Whisky sauce! Great! No Whisky sauce then?

Its easy to make an excuse for its absence. Sorry everyone – the Dog drank my whisky, the cream turned sour at the sight of my driving, the Haggis ate my pizza’s and so on and so on. As the honourable Robert Burns maybe wrote once – Wit a load of pish! (accurate quotation needed)

So, I picked up cream enroute from the garage and tried not to stress myself out on the journey to Ambleside. The plan is to set up by the school right in the centre of the town. This had been suggested to me many times before, but I always cowered at such an idea – “Its too busy in Ambleside. What if somebody ‘says’ something. Its too risky. It’s too far away. Somebody might already be set up there. There might be no parking spaces.”  Excuse, excuse, whine, whine, blurgghh.  This was to be my third trip through. And yes – there’s quite a few folk walking past. While I’m setting up I’m in a dual state of

1 – ‘Don’t make eye contact with anyone and try not to laugh to yourself in public, whilst casually unfurling a pizza business out the back of an unmarked white van!’
2  – Saying hello to some of the passers-by, with thoughts of maybe they might want a pizza soon?

As I’m setting up, Tracey pulls up in her car, ready to take her dog for a walk. A regular of mine who lives in the town, I’d meant to message her to inform her I was coming. Never happened. Nor did the other messages to anyone else in the area neither. Tonight could be a quiet one. But at least I had an unsuspecting Tracey as a customer. Her planned tea of yesterday’s leftovers being relegated in favour of a Burnsy special!  Upon returning from her dog walk, she is chatting away but distracted by the fact that I’ve got my portable gas stove out and I’m now making the Whisky sauce, right there and then. Passers by are also stumbling into each other as they watch this ball of flames emerge from my frying pan as I flambe the contents.  From then on, the evening went swimmingly, My un-messaged mate, Mark, happened to walk past. Then along came Alec from Rattleghyll Deli, Many other happy customers, both new and returning all made for a really nice evening with some great chats. That’s not to mention, the occupants of a Ford Estate car which parks up alongside me. ‘W.H.Z…?’  I know who’s Reg. Plate that is!! Its my mates Ian & Cheryl from the North East. Sports Massage clients, turned good pals of mine. They’d seen my Facebook posts and were in the area. Crazy.

And to think, I wasn’t gonna come tonight. I drove home, contented that I’d pushed myself into doing this. When all I waned for was a lazy, chilled Saturday like most ‘normal’ people. Today was the best I’d done on pizzas so far this month. Had I stayed at home instead, I’d have made a whopping zero pounds and zero pence.

Sunday became a rare lie in day.  Tax return is looming and its still not started. But first up, I fancy a run on the Pennine fells. Just an hour. THEN I’ll do some work. But first I’ll make some eggs and use up some left over veg from last night. Outside the weather is closing in again. The nice start to the day is gone now, and wind appears to be strengthening – Again!!  A glance at the clock shows that 4PM is rapidly approaching and outside I can see its started raining now. Bang goes the run. What seems like a much better idea to me is, the short walk down the A66 to the BP garage and go and buy some chocolate. Aye – that’s a class idea, that is. Mint! Sod RUNNING!

But the brain starts again. Here we bloody go! Its not even my WHOLE brain that goes into turmoil for this run or ANY of the things above. Every single molecule in my body wants a lazy, easy life and every brain cell wants to just chill the hell out and procrastinate. Maybe look at the football scores, see what’s happening on Facebook. Check emails. Look out the window. Make a cup of tea. Send some messages. Do some pull ups. Play chess.  Basically do ANYTHING except
1. Work related things.
2. Exercise of any kind.

But as the saying goes – ‘There’s always ONE, isn’t there’    Well in my stoopid brain, one of my 12 brain cells that I have left up there, just does NOT conform to the others. A bit like Henry Fonda in the film ’12 Angry Men’ – a great movie whereby just ONE of the jury has doubts about a defendants guilt, leaving the other eleven seething, hot and angry that they can’t all go home early until all twelve agree.  You may not have seen this tense drama before, but you can picture it, can’t you?

Similar to The Numbskulls, the comic strip from The Beezer for those who remember it.  My brain department puts out an idea into the suggestion box thusly……

My Brain….. (General Announcement comes over the Tannoy)
“Micky! Get ya kit on and go out for a run. Just 4 miles.”            11 Brain Cells –  ‘Nahhhh. Nee chance. Can NOT be arsed with that, like’
The 12th (non conforming) Brain cell – “Just go upstairs and get ready”
The 11 “Its horrible out there and its getting dark soon”
12th – “I hate this too. This is a bloody stupid suggestion. But lets just DO IT! and get it over with eh?”
11 – “I hate you and I hate this suggestion. I hate everything. Well, I want Music for this”
BRAIN –  You left your headphones on the return flight from Canada, remember?
11 – “OK OK, well I’ll just find some cheap ones then, and get the iPod and and and….” (Secretly knowing that this delay will allow for darkness to cancel the plans.)
Annoying No.12 – “STOP fannying about, and get out the bloody door NOW. Get your kit on. Yes, take off that warm hoody. No – you dont need a hat – just Go!”

Meanwhile, my reluctant body is doing as its told and is now outside…..
Brain & ALL 12 Brain cells & my body are shouting in unison “I hate this, I hate this, Its bloody freezing, what the hell am I doing, who on earth DOES this kind of stupid shit anyway? Why. Whyyyyyyy!!”

The wind is STRONG, It is very chilly, very wet and is every bit as miserable as I thought it would be. The first mile is pretty much all uphill. I’m running like I’m being chased by a pack of hungry wolves. One mile later and I’m done in. But I know in one more mile, its time to turn back for home again. Realising there were in fact, NO chasing wolves, nor living creatures of ANY kind, out in this infernal weather, I ease up on the pace a bit. The usual quagmire on this track is actually runnable today and not resembling the river of chocolate in Willy Wonka’s factory. I manage to keep my feet damp, but not wet. Dirty but not muddy.  That is, until my lungs, who have desperately been seeking their bellowing revenge for the brutality of mile one that they were subjected to, suddenly explode into a coughing fit!

Note : This is in fact, is a very good thing! When you’re unfit, all manner of crap deposits everywhere in the body. When you exercise, your body feels the need to overcompensate, to make it easier to do it next time. All the dust, toxins and wotnot that line the alveoli (the small sacs that make up your lungs) these clear themselves out in order for greater lung capacity to be achieved and with that, greater oxygen uptake. The alveoli are lined with lots of tiny capillaries. Its here, where the oxygen is transferred into bloodstream. So coughing up all this mucousy crap off your lungs is actually good! Nothing beats a body with happy sacs! No – not that kind of sac! And no – not THAT kind either!!

What weren’t so happy, were my feet! Temporarily choking and disoriented I found myself ploughing through a massive wet and muddy puddle. Ah well, they can’t have many more runs left in these shoes anyway.

Reaching home, I once again patted myself on the back for forcing myself to do what I didn’t want to do. The remaining brain cells agreed. Although most of them had gone for a lie down in a darkened room in silent protest,

I took off my trusty Saucony Kinvara trainers. They’ve served me well, I think to myself. Then I spot a manky, big rip down the inside of one. Done. Dead. Kaput! Off to the great shoe shop in the sky. Damn! No more road running for me for a while then! The brain cells wake up, crack open the Champers and start a ‘No More Running’ party! Meanwhile, Brain cell #12 sneaks off to the laptop. Buys not one but TWO pairs of brand new Kinvara’s that I found on sale. One to use right now, and a second pair as ready replacements for the distant future. Ha!

The lazy parts of me are hating again. But my body, heart, lungs and the tiniest part of me that never gives up, always strives for better, fitter, healthier – is smiling broadly 😀

NB – No, I didn’t do any of my tax return but I DID go along for chocolate! Welll…. its all about balance isn’t it!